


infinity.

by infiniti_novu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 09:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14305320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniti_novu/pseuds/infiniti_novu
Summary: louis always loves nights up on the roof.





	infinity.

**\--**

_ down to earth _

_ keep on falling when I know it hurts _

_ going faster than a million miles an hour _

_ trying to catch my breath some way, somehow _

**\--**

louis always loved nights up on the roof.

he loved the distinct glow of the city lights, the harmonious silence, an occasional gust of wind ruffling his hair.

he would sit cross-legged on the chair, rocking back and forth seamlessly.

he would grasp his cigarette tight and watch the smoke dissipate into the starlit sky. 

he would play with his lighter sometimes, switching it on and off, making it illuminate the night, staring into the flames dancing, flickering; wondering how such beauty could bring destruction. yet it was the only lively thing in the dead of night, a reminder of his desolation.

it looked like he was on the top of the world; up on the roof, but really, he felt the opposite.

louis let a tear slip down his cheek, letting his mind drift away from everything.

**\--**

_ down to earth _

_ it's like I'm frozen, but the world still turns _

_ stuck in motion, and the wheels keep spinning 'round _

_ moving in reverse with no way out _

**\--**

sometimes louis just wanted someone.

he wanted someone to brush away his tears; he wanted someone to kiss him and tell him everything will be alright.

zayn once told him;  _ “you only realize the importance of someone when they are gone.” _

louis never understood what he meant. he did now, and he hated himself for taking  _ him _ for granted.

he missed the way his lips would brush against his mouth, making butterflies rise in his stomach.

he missed the way his crystal blue eyes would gaze at him adoringly every day.

he missed the way he speaks; that cute irish accent that would grace his ears.

fuck, he missed niall james horan.

**\--**

_ and now I'm one step closer to being two steps far from you _

_ when everybody wants you _

_ everybody wants you _

**\--**

louis splayed out on his bed, clutching the duvets hard between his fingers.

every day, he would wish for the door to open and see niall hold a tray of pancakes for breakfast, and wake him up with a kiss on the nose.

every night, he would wish for the door to open and see niall’s face after a long day of work, and niall’s face would immediately lighten up, and smile a radiant beam that brightens louis’ day immediately.

louis sniffled, grasping the red sweater that niall left behind. he held it close, and a strong scent of coffee and chocolate - niall’s distinctive aroma - hit louis, reminding him of the nights when the two would snuggle together in front of the fireplace. niall would dig his head into the crook of louis’ neck, and the two would stay like that; cuddled up in the middle of a frosty winter.

louis wondered when the scent would fade, and he would have nothing to remind himself of niall forever.

he tried not to overthink too much and tried to sleep.

every time louis closed his eyes, niall’s smile would appear, and he would grip his heart, trying to stop feeling. 

feeling pain. remorse. nostalgia. melancholy.

it was louis’ own fault that niall was gone.

and he hated himself for it.

**\--**

_ eyes can't shine _

_ unless there's something burning bright behind _

_ since you went away, there's nothing left in mine _

_ i feel myself running out of time _

**\--**

louis lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

he missed niall next to him, the warmth and the comfort he felt whenever he was around. 

he missed tracing patterns in niall’s hair as he slept while listening to his steady breathing.

he missed niall in ways he couldn’t possibly imagine.

he would always think how things would have gone if that fateful night haven’t went so wrong.

“i’m so sorry,” louis whispered, tears sliding down his cheek and splattering on the duvets. “i’m sorry i let you down, niall. i-if you can hear me right now, just to let you know, i-i love you. and i miss you so fucking much… will you ever forgive me, niall?”

**\--**

_ and now I'm one step closer to being two steps far from you _

_ when everybody wants you _

_ everybody wants you _

**\--**

_ “it’s a beautiful night,” niall hummed, revving the engine of his car. louis laughed, playfully pinching niall’s cheek. _

_ “everything’s beautiful in the life of niall horan.” _

_ niall’s expression suddenly turned serious. “look, boo, i’m really sorry, but i don’t think i can attend your sister’s wedding this weekend. i have to attend a meeting at my company, and it’s really important.” _

_ “oh. so now you can’t bother to cancel a prissy little meeting for my sister’s big wedding?” _

_ louis didn’t mean to come off that harsh, but niall lowered his head. “i’m sorry, louis.” _

_ they were so busy they didn’t notice the green light turning red at the crossroads - _

_ “niall look out!” louis screamed. _

_ the car collided with another on impact. _

_ the screams, the glass breaking, tires screeching, the adrenaline racing through louis’ body - _

_ pain racked through the side of his head, and everything was blurred. _

_ it all went black. _

_ the time he woke up, he was on a hospital bed, the bleeping of the heart machine heard. _

_ the first thing that came into mind was niall. _

_ louis screamed niall’s name, and doctors were all rushing in -  _

_ the fear, the shock, the horror of being in a car crash overwhelmed louis. _

_ he felt numb all over as the doctor reported his injuries and all that shit, but all louis thought of was niall. _

_ when he asked, the doctor went silent. _

_ “we’re sorry, mr. tomlinson, but mr. horan was announced dead at 12:25 am.” _

_ louis’ mouth gaped open. _

_ “n-no. you’re lying, you’re fucking lying! he’s not dead, you filthy piece of -” _

_ he was crying the whole night, unable to move, eat or sleep. _

_ niall james horan, the love of his life, his boyfriend, his soulmate - was dead. _

_ and it was all his fault.  _

**\--**

_ how many nights does it take to count the stars? _

_ that's the time it would take to fix my heart _

_ oh, baby, I was there for you _

_ all I ever wanted was the truth, yeah, yeah _

_ how many nights have you wished someone would stay? _

_ lie awake only hoping they're okay _

**\--**

the last couple of days, his best friends - liam, zayn, and harry all rushed to console him. it made him feel better to have three people next to him, but he reminded himself that niall wasn’t there.

sometimes louis would think that he could see niall in the middle of their faces, but he knew he was being paranoid.

sometimes louis would become angry. angry at his himself for causing niall’s death, angry at his friends for being so nice and making him feel bad. 

he doesn’t deserve any of their love or consolation. he should be the one who died in the crash, not niall. 

**\--**

_ i never counted all of mine _

_ if I tried, I know it would feel like infinity _

_ infinity, infinity, infinity, infinity, yeah _

**\--**

louis sat on the roof, watching the embers from his cigarette fall on his trousers.

he placed a hand inside his pocket, playing with the velvet box.

louis pulled it out, looking at the glimmering ring inside, gently tracing a finger over the engravings marking _ l.t. _ and  _ n.h.,  _ gazing at the radiant, crystalline diamond encased on the ring.

he let out a strangled sob, thinking of how niall’s face would have looked when louis proposed.

but that would never happen. niall was gone, and louis could never get him back. 

he gently placed the box back, aware of the countless tears dripping on his face.

louis closed his eyes and tilted his head back, and let the wind carry his troubles away.

 

 


End file.
